“Farewell Bend: Saying Goodbye is Never Easy: Hanging Out in the Beige”

It’s been a hell of a year for many. Whew! My naturopath’s apartment burned down about thirty minutes after she woke in the night, losing everything. My friend’s daughter lost her baby eight and a half months into the pregnancy. Their distraught disbelief and helplessness moved them into enormous grief. Another couple lost their mom, brother and cousin within nine months. Holy hell, right? I’m not alone on this journey. Many of you know my favorite and best dad passed two weeks ago having a good long run on the planet. Two powerful men in my life gone in eight months.

But this is just real life. This is the messy, hard, arduous part of being human. It just is. However, like with everything else it’s our perspective that makes or breaks a situation and how we come out on the other side. That’s why I’m hanging out in The Beige. It’s incredibly neutral, goes with anything without a lot of emotional color in any direction. It’s a great place to restore our facilities and nerves and emotions and energy. It’s calming. And when the emotional clutter and barrage and onslaught of life just get to be too  overwhelming, hey! Come join me.

So where’s The Beige? How do we get there? It’s truly a space, a place in our minds that’s clear, clutter free, like ground zero. Quiet after the storm. How I access it, and I do daily, is through various entries or portals of mind-play. For me it’s through music or nature. I stare at the sky, night or day, and just gaze, drift on the wind, catch a falling star. I reach into gratitude and access the magnificence, the beauty, the bounty of what’s before me. Gratitude takes us out of the spin. I play timeless music, sing, dance, merge with the lyrical sounds, chords, notes. I peruse new music to add to my collection. It keeps me happy and in the neutral zone by staying out of the critical analytical mind or emotional spin. It also allows me process time to move through thoughts and memories and sadness by taking it one step at a time. The best news is The Beige can help with any stress zone, any change, any negatives. And we pick and choose any color we want to add when we’re ready.


This chapter of my journey has been interesting too. When Dale died he was incredibly communicative, still is. With dad, it’s been a different story. I was with him in the hospital for twenty four hours for his final leg. He was lucid, funny, gracious. The morning of his departure, I gave him a timeline too, like I gave Dale, but for another reason. My mom. We both knew it wasn’t good for her after sixty two years to see the final exit. This has always been my job. We talked about as a kid, probably around ten, I was the one in charge. And so it was. I shared with him all the people there waiting for him. He could hear their voices but couldn’t see them -again, my job. It was great to see my great grand mother again, a woman I never met in this life. Dad had quite the entourage waiting.

The timeline I gave him was noon. He had to go by twelve. He did a pretty fine job actually, as his timing wasn’t as critical as Dale’s departure. (See the first blog in February) He left his body at 1:11, an incredibly transformative number, a spiritually active portal. And it was good. He even had all the nurses with us, gently touching or holding a hand, as they’d fallen in love with him. The room was filled with goodness. I stayed with him for another two hours talking with him out of his body. Then he split.

He’s only sent a few messages but they have been good. I was playing music for him near the end. Frank Sinatra popped up, one of his fav’s, then Donna Summer’s, “Last Dance.” So poignant. My twenty first birthday we went to Tahoe to ski for a week. Donna was playing. Dad took mom and me, paid the usher extra and we sat next to the stage. He didn’t have a clue who she was, but when she started making love with the microphone he was suddenly a fan. When her song was next in line, I Knew he had a hand in it. It was incredibly direct. It just made me the laugh.

When I got home after leaving the hospital I sat on my patio to stare at the sky. I was starting my access into The Beige. A dove flew into the large juniper behind the house. It sat up there and sang, just cooed. Doves are one my favorite birds as their song takes me into memories and stories and dad knew this. I grabbed my phone to capture the message.

And perhaps the best was while texting, the auto correct went from “a little bit” to “a Lyle.” Never in any of my auto corrects have I seen Lyle. I bet you haven’t either as its not a common name or something auto correct would automatically spell. I smiled, kept “Lyle” -it’s still in my text feed- and talked to dad for awhile. I thanked him for the visit. I know the veils are thin and all the more from his view. But dad who was caged in an incredibly compromised body, isn’t hanging close by to see through the transparency, instead is off fly fishing with his buddies in the far-off clear spring-fed rivers of nirvana.


And I’m here hanging in The Beige, gently savoring the rich memories.


Cosmic sunshine to you.

PS I invite you to listen to Grace Potter’s “Stars” as a great song to help process letting go.


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“The Naked Truth: A Soft “R” Rated Story: Strong Messages from the Other Side”

Have you seen or remember the movie “Always,” Steven Spielberg’s movie with Richard Dreyfuss, Holly Hunter and John Goodman, (~Goodman rocks in this movie~) about death, love remembered, and learning the message of love, service and redemption? It’s an oldie. If you haven’t, put it on your Netflix list, or just re-watch for fun. Richard Dreyfuss learns a most valued lesson of sharing the love of his life with someone else on earth as he is no longer in the physical realms. Hap, played by the lovely Audrey Hepburn in her last movie, eloquently educates our protagonist on being an X-factor-cavalier-risk-taker-lose-your-life after-a hundred-warnings-kind-of-guy, so you’d better face the consequences of your choices, to lessons of love in the grander expansive universal network. Eventually Dreyfuss learns his lessons however they come with the high cost of “letting go” of his “love,” which doesn’t come easily. I feel just maybe, I’m experiencing a bit of similar emotional reluctance from the Other Side, or this “could be all my wild imagination.” But for those who know me, and you don’t have to know me well, you know unequivocally that’s not the case. I do feel, I could use some of “Hap’s” loving energy and gentle reminders to help heal the process.

Audrey Hepburn, Always (1989, Steven Spielberg) starring Holly Hunter, Richard Dreyfuss and John Goodman

Audrey Hepburn, Always (1989, Steven Spielberg) starring Holly Hunter, Richard Dreyfuss and John Goodman


However before I get to the story, I have to state a few things. Everyone is different. Everyone lets go, moves forward at their own pace after and through a major crisis. Period. There are no wrong or right ways. Some might have judgement on what I’m sharing and not approve, and if so, please read no further. I don’t want to take you there. If you want to hear an interesting goosebumps-down-to-your-ankles kind of event, please read on. No judgement is the price of admission.

When someone is diagnosed with cancer and given three months to live, you begin the grieving process. Your role also changes from a partner to a caregiver and those intimate moments are no longer a reality. It’s just the way it is. In my case, sex went away three years  ago. That’s not good for this girl, but it was the way it was. Just truth. (For those that are uncomfortable, just push the exit arrow now and read another blog. Remember I warned you.)

So, it’s been literally years. And remember there is no going back; it’s all in the rear view mirror no matter what. I make a good sound choice to move forward, a decision it’s time to move out of the “nun” role and invited a good friend to share our birthday celebration weekend here at the cabin. The cabin where my husband died, (in what feels like ages ago due to the multitudinous challenges with his company since his death.) Okay, you’re getting the picture. We are in the shower; Mr C gets out and is drying near the sink. I’m still in the shower. And no I’m not giving nitty gritty details. All of a sudden at that exact moment, the picture on the wall falls, slamming to the floor. A piece of hook from the back of the picture is still on the wall. See exhibit A below. And the back of the photo looks like it’s been literally pulled hard off the wall. See exhibit B. It’s pretty up front and real. The picture just gave way at that exact fortitudinous moment after all these years or it had help? You decide.


But wait there’s more! That night, all night, on the headboard was a continual tapping of what sounded like Morse Code, fingernails clicking, tapping out an irregular beat. All night. Not on the wall, or table or ceiling, but right above our heads. All night. Upon waking the first question was- “Did you hear the…??” “The tapping on the headboard?” “Yes, it sounded like, da,dot,dada, dot…” Have I ever heard that before in all the 24 years of being here? No. Have I heard it since everyone left? No.

Now Dale, my deceased husband and I have been communicating up to this point since he passed, (please revisit previous blogs since the first of February which are much more spiritually revealing) however I hadn’t moved emotionally forward with my life. I now am. I feel these were very strong messages indicating what? I’m sure something, but rather than psycho-analyze them to death…every pun intended…I’d rather just ask “Hap” to come intervene and offer up some lovingly good sound remembrances of what love is all about.

And of course lots of bright white happy light to shift the energy foreword.

Cosmic sunshine to you.


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“Being “In” Love”

Who doesn’t love being “in” love ~ that wonderful euphoric feeling of bliss and joy and excitement and wondering anticipation, with our brains filled with love endorphins? It’s what we seek, search for, write long sagas and tales describing. It’s what makes being human the best experience ever, why we choose revisiting the planet again and again. And again. It’s been a very “HOT” topic of late with many many people. Something is in the air. Just look at all the weddings, yep something magical is afoot.


I’ve loved being the matchmaker. I’ve connected multiple couples who are still together years later, kids in tow. I look at it from an energy, a frequency connection, a heart-soul-lifetime link. It’s what works versus relationships focused strictly on looks, career, safety, achievement. And it works, it just does, because it’s based on a higher perspective of what lights up a soul. And isn’t that what we all want, desire and ultimately learn and grow from? Lighting up from the inside? (Call me if you want to move forward with a loving connection and we’ll set up an appointment- wink wink)

Awesome Romantic Wallpaper

I love seeing couples who truly love each other and have learned the key ingredients to long lasting great relationships and marriages. My parents have seen nearly 62 years together. Even in my dad’s compromised state, his face “lights” up when tells my mom how much he loves her, how lucky he is to have had her at his side and how beautiful she is. Now it hasn’t always been easy however they definitely have done the dance with graceful moves. A good friend of mine shared with me today incredibly useful intel on the long-range relationship subject-humility. When we are humble with one another, treat each other kindly, with loving respect and in my book a high dose of comedy, it’s a super recipe for longtime success. image

On the other side, I see over and over where we totally miss the boat, compromise, waste time (unreplaceable years) and energy and heart aches (literally heart attaches) on relationships that don’t curl our toes but we stay….we stay because its easy, comfortable, safe, it’s this it’s that. God forbid what would our friends think if we walked away to follow our hearts? (I know, I did!!!) Didn’t leave because it meant starting over, or venerate and put on a pedestal those who have parted, or become attached to those who are unavailable. All the crazy silly head trips we do to ourselves to keep us from our best connection yet.

I believe ~ I know in my heart ~ and I’ve just gone through a major love-loss tsunami plus a divorce a major chapter ago ~ how truly vital down to our core it is, to follow our intuition, our love-light- not the money trail, not the sex for sex-sake, arm-ornament, in-our-heads-this-makes-sense-safety-catch kind of relationship, but a love-soul-remembrance connection. One that lights up our smiles! Is simply enjoyable. One that sings through the seasons our best songs, walks through sunsets of deep carved emotional valleys, hikes to the summits of life’s triumphs. And it doesn’t matter what stage of the game it is, from teenagers to the 80’s, it’s all relative because, love just is. I spoke with a new client today at 77 who wants to find her true love companion. Now isn’t that just brilliant!? I’d call that living large!

There are zillions of individuals who are seeking, dreaming of a partner to share the trail, see the stars and dance around their heart fires. It’s finding that heat-center that isn’t always easy? This is why dating services are at an all time record high for match-making. We want to find that person even if they live a city or state or country away. There is someone for everyone otherwise we wouldn’t all be here together at this time. When clients ask me if they’ll ever find someone, you can bet your last dollar I always say yes!


And right this minute with a full Aquarian moon in Leo 8/18 (oh so perfect for this double Aquarian, Leo rising girl) it’s a romantic, heart-filled, heart-felt time to seek intuitively what our hearts desire  on all levels, in all arenas – so dream doubly BIG!

I know in my heart the universe supports our beliefs, our dreams, our desires. That’s why I believe completely in romantic, intimate, honeymoon love, (~ even with my hurts and heart aches- probably more so~) if we allow ourselves to trust, listen for truth and “be the person we would fall in love with.” I know the universe is composed  and comprised of “love” ~ and if we just reach out, grab it and hold it close, bring it into our hearts and let it grow, we too will be “in love” with life, ourselves and each other.

At a time when the world needs to radically transform, the ultimate weapon of choice is…love.To being and staying “in love!!!”

Cosmic sunshine to you!

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“And the Messages Continue”

I was driving from my cabin on Swift Reservoir to my new home in central Oregon. After fifteen, yes 15 months in a camper, a house is incredibly exciting though still a bit surreal. It was sunny with endless blue skies, music blaring, my cat Tao on my lap, Charlie in the back, the car packed. Well you know Dale and music…


For those new to this story, my husband Dale passed away in January after a long arduous battle with cancer. Subsequently, he has continued to communicate through various methodologies however my iPhone seems to be the most handy, reliable and easy to screw with, thus my latest adventure.

I’m rocking out, when the song changed on my iPhone to…you guessed it, “A Case of Loving You,” Joni Mitchell….again. (See past blogs.) Okay, I used to really like this song. It really helped me process in January/February when I didn’t feel I could cry, had to carry the weight for so many. But now? Well I’m a bit weary. It comes on and I push “forward” from the car console. The song didn’t budge. I tried again, nothing. I then opted to go directly to the phone, pushed forward to another song, then…Joni Mitchell. It then sped forward to Santana -again- then back to Joni. This went on literally about ten times- no exaggeration! Finally I said out loud, “That’s it! I’m going to delete the damn song. I’m done now…” I tried, nothing. Again, it wouldn’t delete!

“Okay fine! I’ll listen to the £#€£ing song” either that or I’m switching to the radio.” Now this is where it gets really really good…The song is playing through, I’m driving not paying attention when Joni sings, words I’d forgotten in the lyrics, “..and I drew a map of Canada, Oh, C a n a d a…” which got my instant attention sending goosebumps down my spine. Then my phone switched to a new song and Joni hasn’t played since.

But here’s the kicker. Behind me, following me on his bright yellow Harley to central Oregon was an old friend of thirty years from…Canada.

You can draw your own conclusions.


Cosmic sunshine to you from the mountains of Washington and Oregon.

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“Bigger Pieces of the Multi-Tiered Truth: A “Walk-In” Experience”

Names haven’t been changed to protect the responsible….

I have to share. I had this surprise visit from a client I haven’t seen in two years. She moved to Shasta to set up shop and create an entirely new life for herself after way too much emotional chaos on a regular basis. She’s now “home.” For those who have never spent time on or near Shasta, it’s an interesting vortex of energy. Most who move there are short term residents even if going with the intention of staying long term. It’s that kind of energy. Saying you’re home and staying on the mountain is only for a very small few who are committed and willing to be within a certain vibe. Some might say it’s too weird, airy-fairy or hippie-ish, too “out there” to linger. For Bonnie, her intention is to reside, to be. Hang with the rocks and pines and fresh air and cosmic woo woo intensity.


In our reading, the images started to flood in from various aspects of herself, overlays of lifetimes she experienced in the Shasta area, completing the total anchoring of her energy into the landscape. She’d crossed paths on the mountain as a shepherdess of herbals and healing on a “paint,” a white and tan spotted horse, a mountain man of exploration and trade, as an ancient councilman in alignment with Mu or Lemuria*, as a liaison between the upper and lower realms-those who live inside the mountain-(remember all the stories of childhood about the wee people who lived inside of Shasta) and today as a woman of “being-ness” sharing her knowledge of the spiritual vortexes with those who are interested.


But the biggest coolest most special piece is this: Bonnie is now a “walk-in.” She wasn’t when I met her, but she is now. I’ll explain. A “walk-in” is a soul exchange. Before entering a lifetime an agreement is created between two souls who have different aspects and lessons to explore, one who wants to journey through childhood and teenage years and onward, and the other who is expanding in the astral realms till its time to take on, jump into, another body. This bond can also be created sometime during the lifetime by the one in the body currently to further expand their potential or if they’re tired of the earth challenges or if their reason for dancing through a life is finished. Essentially it’s a gift-exchange of carbon and electricity, water and bodily systems as the usage of the physical body is kept intact for both souls to utilize. Being in body is a benefit, a reward, an experience to celebrate.

In April, Bonnie was walking down the street in Shasta when she felt like she’d literally been pushed, or rather shoved so intensely, she came out of both shoes and landed hard. She came close to hitting her head on the concrete however it was mitigated by her quick response. As she arose, she felt completely disoriented, was light headed and foggy and completely out of sorts. This feeling lasted for over five days till she began to realign and feel more like herself, yet interestingly enough, much more grounded, solid and peaceful. A new-felt calm embraced her in a fresh, subtle fashion. Bonnie, yet mystically altered and upgraded.

As I dove deeper into her story and had that Ah-Ha OMG moment of “you’re totally a “walk-in,” (as I’ve known walk-ins however not as a before and after experience) Bonnie had the same realization of “truth” settle into her bones. From then on, I explained things from a Bonnie1 and Bonnie2 perspective which began to totally make sense from her vantage point of understanding.

Bonnie2 knew coming in, she’d be required to take on Bonnie1’s memories and stories, to be “her” in every aspect, yet with the added awareness of Bonnie2. Ironically both souls have karma with one particular man, a lifelong love interest so the feelings are double duty, double whammy, yet the old story between Bonnie1 is to be resolved so Bonnie2 can expand into a completely vibrant, wholesome, loving new relationship. Rather exciting if you ask me.

These two souls have been connected innumerous life times and multiple times as twins. They are essentially from the same soul group, much like a grape cluster. They’re here to help accelerate each other’s progress through an immense love commitment. It’s a brilliant cohesiveness of energy and focus. Bonnie2 will share the timeline with Bonnie1’s selves out there in the parallel lifetime experiences as well as having her own time grid of parallel lives happening. A vast complex of double parallel stories and lifetimes yet singular in Bonnie2’s memories.

Bonnie is Bonnie is Bonnie yet more. She is wise, deep and spiritually alert and will continue to expand her universal awareness. Besides she has two of the coolest crystal skulls going. Maybe if you ask her nicely on your next pass through the Shasta, she’ll let you see them.


Cosmic sunshine to you.


*Lemuria or Mu was an ancient civilization west of America as it stands today. The Hawaiian islands are the tops of a once vast landmass that dotted the Pacific of a highly advanced civilization.

** The alien elongated skull has a dolphin appearance and energy. Elongated skulls have been found all over the world. Perhaps our ancient ancestors when they walked out of the primordial ooze were connected biologically at one time, through one link, one dimensional thread, to Dolphins. Or from ancestors not of the earth realm. Just an idea.

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“Discover the “Wow: Wondrous Omniscient Worlds!”

One of the positive things that has come from losing a loved one, is it has encouraged me, to reach further, go beyond my sense of time and space and continue to explore the multiple realms. And boy oh boy is it impressive. Every time I get stuck, bothered or whatever, I reach into the expansiveness, relax and find “The Wow!”

“The Wow” is the multidimensional realms of space and consciousness which also includes the soul essence of those no longer in body. There are a zillion realities, with even more probabilities and consciousness in every aspect. Those who have left behind their bodies have the opportunity to jump into that vast cosmic ocean and learn -or not- the next level of their evolution. The souls can choose to bring their new expanded wisdom back to the earth plane in the right timing, to assist the planet’s continued bajillion year story. It’s a forever process, a paradox, of integration into Oneness at the same time experiencing singular intelligence. I feel this is the eternal story, the reconnection into Oneness at the same exact moment, experiencing our own unique individualized blueprint. Into Foreverness, into the Wow.


On one of my journeys I connected with a Fifth Dimensional being of feline energy who’s name is Tannis, with golden yellow sparkling eyes, who is of higher frequencies beyond heavy dark negativity, beyond manipulation, control and fear. He’s one of many of his kind, he’s just chosen to communicate with me personally. We connected at the conference I attended in Joshua Tree.  I’ve called on him numerous times since and feel this amazing calm and peace coupled with an accompanying smile that traverses my face. Every Time. It’s the energy, the serenity combined with laughter that engulfs me, changing my space. Tannis is one example of the incredible conscious beings that inhabit our higher realms. In essence, I’ve discovered there’s more than we have ever imagined.

I’ve another higher seventh dimensional feminine energy of 8 foot stature, named Magdelena, an incredibly beautiful light being who has entered my space, sharing deep intense love, trust and yes, more love. Her form is of richly radiating light I can see through yet her being is solid; a joyful paradox. She’s similar energy of the earth feminine goddesses we are familiar such as Mother Mary, Isis, Ishtar, Quan Yin, yet still unique and quite different. I know she has much to teach me, of which I’ll share in future posts. This is the power of Wow I’m speaking.

I’ve now created a special space in the cosmic grid where I have various light beings and souls no longer in physical form, join me so I can learn and advance my insights and knowing. I’d traveled the same light corridors for years, but with my husband’s passing, I’ve stepped beyond my routine and climbed ever further into the Wow.


I encourage everyone to break beyond routine, outside the daily landscape, and explore this amazing universe which supports our beings. It’s simply a stunning, glorious, spectacular Wow!


Cosmic sunshine to you.


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“The Core Remedy”

Laughter is one of the best remedies. It literally opens the crown chakra and allows light and energy and great cosmic “happy” particles into our minds and bodies. Laughter strengthens the immune system, improving the health of the emotional, mental and physical bodies. It’s truly a life saver. There’s the incredible story of the man dying of cancer with a month to live. He checked himself into a hotel, ordered room service, watched old happy, sappy comedies, the comedy channel and essentially laughed his way back to health. Talk about an easy inexpensive remedy, well besides a five star hotel and daily room service. Laughter is available everywhere.


My husband Dale had the best sense of humor, made everyone laugh however somewhere inside he couldn’t quite capture the internal gaiety he emitted. I feel this is paramount. The irony sitting in his chair, I understand not being able to access it, find the good in daily adventures, however with diligence and mindfulness, I’ve always known the path back to “center,” can find the internal gaiety, discover the goofy humor in the ironies, see the absurdities in this crazy wonderful world.


What I’ve learned is when life comes at us like a tidal wave, we are overwhelmed in the events, if we don’t have the tools to navigate the waves, it’s all too easy to become immersed in the turmoil, confusion and become attached to the experiences. We are not the experiences, they’re just landscape on the roadside.


Coming back to center, our core, our eternal heartbeat, is what creates the connection, the high intensity cosmic cell tower offering direct communication with the other side, our immersion with the universe. Our radiant center allows and maintains balance, serenity, creativity, fun, laughter and all things magical. Learning to access this central point and operate from “this cosmic core” on a daily basis would literally change the focus of this planet. – Oh! I have this dream!!….- Our spiritual core is our eternal light we emit and take with us when-ever and where-ever we are. It’s the silence, the music, the laughter, it contains the answers we seek. It is the beacon in the night, the inner source that guides our destinies.

Most people don’t know the path, remember the access code. That’s where laughter comes in. It’s a happy, fun but very strategic starting  point to remembering the path back to balance, harmony, peace and connection.


Laughter creates space for balance to take place. It creates synergy and activation of happy endorphins in the brain and body. It can be the first step on the life road trip that’ll change perspective, purpose and direction. It’s what has saved me on this wild E-Ticket ride of the past several years. Even if it’s wrong- as I do have a somewhat perverse sense of humor…..

To humor, jokes, laughter, dry wit, irony, verve, and giggles, lots of giggles.


Cosmic sunshine to you.

Posted in Cosmic Tidbits, Death and Dying, Good Vibes, healing tools, Healing, Health, Spiritual Concepts, Intuitive Listening, Messages from the Other Side, Spiritual wellness | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment