Life goes in cycles, it just does. From every grand natural cycle down to our personal seasons and the dances we all do together. We are all learning together even when we feel we are separate, we are all in the game as a whole. I love how this works. We have all experienced the feelings of others lovingly supporting us or sending bad juju. We impact each other. Thus the emotional cycles.
Infidelity came up on the “cycle” radar this week, as we do the cycles simultaneously, supporting and learning from each other. Several clients were digging into their emotional insecurities and pathways infidelity took them on, even down to deep unadulterated rage triggering thoughts of crimes of passion. Not a fun process. Infidelity elicits a myriad of feelings; fear, humiliation, huge doubt, anger, blame, shame, hatred, loathing, rage, not feeling enough, “I am not enough.” This is an issue, a challenge we have dealt with as a species since we chose love versus survival. We became “possessive.”
One of the big life lessons I’ve learned through the process of the last several years is the Buddist concept of “detachment.” I’ve never understood it. Seriously, how can I not love my kids, family, friends “to death”…literally? It’s how we are hardwired. However, through the death process as well as doing readings always seeing multiple sides to situations, because in truth there always are, even with infidelity, I’ve come to a place of “nonjudgmental observation.” “Detachment.” To detach from our preconceived conceptions of outcome. Doesn’t ever take away the love, the deep feelings of intensity, yet it’s allowed me to see there are multiple pathways for each of us to take, to feel, to experience. Everyone has their story. It is not ours to control! I had to let go, “detach” from my husband’s disease, to be fully present in each twenty four hour cycle, to breathe in the hours. I feel the same is true with anything, even sex, especially sex. If we become present, to our emotions, fully engaged in our days, the moment, the process, the intimacy being offered, our lover’s emotions, first of all, the sex becomes delicious, intoxicatingly wonderful, and more than likely, infidelity won’t occur. Seriously why would it when it feels so good, “here?”
But if it’s does, viewing from a higher level of detachment, recognizing the steps that were taken to get there, puts the responsibility back in our court to see our participation in the passion play. It also creates a more powerful pathway to the other side of the situation. No one just does something without some cause, provocation, even if it’s buried in some subconscious vault yet to be discovered. There is always a reason. Feelings and insecurities run on both sides of the equation which can spark multiple outcomes and directions, the “whys” of our choices, (How “Wise” are we?). It depends on our own self worth.
It’s how we operate. We go into our heads, expecting, without communicating our needs, desires, sharing the depth of our caring. We withhold and withdraw then wonder why our significant other becomes distracted and looks elsewhere. Bottom line is lack of communication. Deep communication about how we really feel, our insecurities, our loves. Our needs. Very few ever achieve this. Why? Because how many take time to discover what truly feeds their soul? How can we communicate our needs if we don’t take time to learn, discover, uncover our own deepest heart-filling passions? Life coach, personal energizer, Danielle Laport in her raw honesty, states in a recent newsletter headline, “All my failures can be traced to my silence.” Now that’s brilliant! Because it’s true for all of us at that subterranean, complex, mysterious, emotional strata. We don’t speak our truths. If we don’t speak, don’t get involved, don’t dive, we don’t get hurt. But we also don’t fully live and love and embrace life when we live on the surface, don’t question, ask, get involved and reveal ourselves to the light. We chose silence for safety. And our intimacy suffers.
And on another level, another plateau, we are not always supposed to stay with a particular person, a soul, for a duration. Thus infidelity. They come into our lives briefly or decades to teach us better qualities about ourselves. If we choose to listen, be aware and learn. It’s always up to us and how deep we want to dive.
Life is a series of choices. We can choose to be surface skimmers, non communicative, uninvolved, caught up in the superficial bull shit. Or we can dig in, realize we have an emotional treasure trove awaiting our discovery, can ask questions of ourselves, life and each other, opening the silence to a cacophony of awakened communication. And sex.
Cosmic sunshine to you.
Candia Sanders is an International Medical Intuitive, Healer, Author and Speaker who has helped countless thousands of people ease their medical issues, navigate important relationships and find their soul’s purpose and life direction. Candia is also the author of the transcendent new book, “Soul Rays: Discover the Vibratory Frequency of Your Soul“.